As elusive as it sounds, my memory
Like a nonexistent entity seeming so surreal
almost like a dream evading me
More I try to reach for it
More it seems to stray further afar from me
almost like it doesn't exist
So frustrating it is
Each time I think I'm close to reaching it
Close enough to clutch it
It disperses and then disappears
Like it doesn't exist, yet it exists
As if palpable, I claw with my mind's eye
An imaginary hand around it
Only to find empty, my palms
My features distorts and dances
Of flimsy feelings, paranoia
Scrambling, scratching, seeking, searching
With my minds eye
Anxious to reach,
Consciously unaware yet aware unconsciously
Feeling it, feeling lost
All at one same time
Each try inures to failure
Overwhelming sense of loss
Fills to the brim of my entirely
My heart abounds with oceans of endless anxiety and excitement
Anxious excitement comes
Contending to grasp
Yet disappointment serves disdain
On a cold platter
My memory so elusive, it seizes to exist
The more I try to reach for it
The more it disperses and disappears
Each time I reach for that bit
Every time it leaves me in disarray
Trying to find it but alas gone yet not
Instead leaves tortuous teasing in its wake
A mysterious mirage? A skeptical sham?
Is that all that describes my memory?
Or what's left of it
It seems perplexed as to what it is supposed to be
And what it is supposed to be, I do not know
Is it nothing but an illusion?
Pessimism rears its ugly self
Arms akimbo that I might never actualize
My heart chokes with sadness
Perhaps I might finally grasp ahold this mirage
Which seems to have no qualms teasing me so
Perhaps again as I least expect
One day my mind would align with translucent clarity
That my elusive mirage would have seem unobscure
It will appear as though it never left
Until then my alien torment unending.
This was the very first poem I wrote in my mother's small shop. Bored and musing about how I tried to recollect a piece of memory yet it eluded me. It was at the tip of my grasp. Teasing and taunting me.
I hope you can relate. I love to hear your feedback so please leave a comment, like and check back for more.
Comments