The theme for this month was supposed to be self discovery. Well technically, it still is. It took a lot of courage to finally write on this topic. It's a topic I dread because of how vulnerable I thought I would be to write honestly about it.
Before I write my thoughts about it, let's explore what the internet has to say about it.
There are many reasons why figuring out who we are and living authentically can be hard and according to the internet, it's because the human brain is wired for staying safe. For many of us growing up we found it easier to go with the crowd because we were called out for being different. For that reason our brains fight or flight response makes us choose fitting in over being who we truly are.
According to the authors I've read, figuring out who you are and living authentically is like any learning process: it starts with reflection and awareness of who you are.
From a place of strengthened self-awareness, you can begin to show up as your authentic self in your relationships, at work, and in life. By living in line with your values, paying attention to your goals and their importance, and then reflecting on your journey, you can become energized and grounded by being the truest version of yourself. - Betterup.com
The journey to discovery who we are starts first with intention and commitment. It's a journey that requires focus and action. Before we delve into how we can do that, let's start by defining what self-discovery is.
It’s one thing to know your personality type or your favorite meal. But true self-discovery starts when you evaluate your life and think about what’s energizing and what's not. What will bring more joy into your life? What inspires you to jump out of bed each morning? - Betterup.com
Self-discovery is an ongoing process that requires you to examine your life and reflect. It's a process that I started a few years back and I keep getting shocked at the things I learn about myself. Some are even hard for me to accept. So heads-up if you're going on this journey, you'll be needing a lot of courage and resilience.
One thing I've learnt though is that the more you learn about yourself, the better you get at exercising self control, you become more empathetic because you start to understand the struggles of others knowing that you're on that journey yourself. You’ll even be more honest because you learn how to tell yourself the truth about your own character flaws.
Now that we've talked about what self discovery is about and what to expect, let’s explore why I dreaded writing on this topic. A few months back, I embarked on a self growth journey and started exploring different topics surrounding self growth. In that time, I have found and lost myself more times than I can remember.
This journey overlapped with the beginning of a new phase in my life - my law school. In these past few months, I have discovered so much about myself as a person. I have learnt more about my triggers, fears and anxieties.
But that's not the crazy part. The crazy part is that Just when I thought I knew who I was and what I was doing, I would be hit with a wave of emotions that were both familiar and strange to me. I have been forced to face some of the ugliest parts of myself and I tried running away from it. Eventually I faced them but I was surprised because I didn’t expect who I became in that short period. I surprised myself with the way I reacted to some of the situations I found myself in.
The beautiful thing about this phase of my life is that it reinforces the fact that as humans we would be forever put to test at every stage of our life. It's a crucial lesson that Allah (SWT) ensures I never forget. Anytime I explore a new concept, I am put to the test almost immediately. Life never fails to teach me the lessons that come with each concept. Over and over again till I learn. These situations ultimately help me confront my demons and decide who I truly must become. Eventually, all I learn take shape and forge me into who I want to become.
Another reason why I dreaded this topic was because I felt like I didn’t know the answer. Even now as I type, all I can think of are reasons why I should drop my phone and not explore this further.
Self discovery or the discovery of who one is. Lets explore what I think about this.
We are born a clean canvas. As we grow, we become a product of our experiences and background. We spend most of our life learning and unlearning in a bid to figure out who we are authentically. Some are lucky. They just live, being, exploring who they can be rather than who they are told to be and they own it. Some of us, on the other hand, do not even have the courage to ask who we should be because our lives are determined for us since the day we were born. We’ve been told who we should be and what we should do. God forbid we think we are anything else but that.
I think what we need first is the courage to be. Just be. Be as it is right to be. Be as God wants us to be. Explore life but with meaningfulness and purpose. Explore who we are and separate what we have learnt from what is intrinsically us. Keep in mind that we are a blank canvass and we can rewrite what has been written but does not serve us.
We need courage to accept ourselves as we are. The things we cannot change about ourselves like our past. The courage to see the beauty in who we are even though it’s not the standard peddled in the media.
The courage to realize that we are uniquely us. That no one else can be us. No one can have the combination of our heritage, background, experiences, expertise and talents. They can only try. There always will be one you.
On this journey of self discovery, allow yourself allowance to grow, to make mistakes and evolve from them, to embrace the journey and accept every ups and downs as part of this beautiful journey. Accept that this journey is designed to make you grow each day till the day you die. While I think there should be pillars / structures / principles for who we should be, I also think we should also embrace the fluidity of the journey, allowing ourselves to grow. Controlling what we can and relinquish control over what we can't.
Like the North Star, we should set our focus on a desirable end and set sail. When the storm hits, we should be reminded of the lessons in the aftermath and revel in the fact that we came out stronger thus having learnt something beautiful and continue on our course. We should allow each experience reveal to us who we are. We must also allow that same experience help us learn who we can be.
Self discovery as I have now learnt is a journey of figuring out who you are, what your beliefs are, what your priorities are and how you feel about life.
Open up to learning. Listen to divergent viewpoints. Choose the side that aligns with your soul and it’s purpose as opposed to living with preset beliefs you’ve picked up from family, friends and all the different relationships in your life from mentors to coworkers to boyfriends etc
This is a journey filled with learning and decision making. It’s a journey where you find all the pieces of the puzzle and as life goes on you fit them together creating an aha moment at crucial intervals in your life.
Be yourself; everybody else is already taken. - Oscar Wilde
Explore your strengths and weaknesses. I know my strengths include the fact that I'm great at planning but terrible at execution. I have a good eye for art and design but I'm impatient. Now, explore what you can do and where you need to collaborate with others. Lean in to your strengths by writing them out and exploring how you can use them in your daily life.
Explore your Values. For me, my values include living authentically, kindness and generosity.
Explore your goals. Set goals that align with who you want to become and that will create clarity for you on this journey. For me, meaningful goals includes
Live as happily and balanced as possible
Be a better Muslim always
Attain financial freedom
Laugh more
Be more grateful
Discovering who you are means you are able to live as authentically as possible. It means you have accepted who you are and have developed the courage and confidence to share that with the world. I know I still have a lot of work to do because even though I know who I am. I still find it hard to accept parts of me and I definitely do not have that devil may care confidence and attitude required to live authentically. I am still very much a people pleaser and living authentically doesn’t mean making everyone happy.
When you stand in your strengths, you can liberate yourself from the need for other people’s approval.
When it comes to receiving feedback, author Tara Mohr explains a beautiful perspective on feedback: that it is information on the giver of the feedback. When you’re open to viewing feedback as information about the person giving it, you can then choose whether you adapt your style — or not. You can decide how to best meet the other person’s needs in the future, but without needing to doubt your own abilities, skills, or self-worth.
setting boundaries isn't a matter of being mean or inflexible — it's an act of self-care.
Here are 12 tips I've learnt that you can also follow to learn how to discover yourself:
Show up as the best version of yourself everyday. Put in the work to be the version of yourself that you are pleased with.
Take risks and try new things
Figure out your passion and explore the things that excite you.
Understand your strengths and think about how you can apply them everywhere
Start journaling your thoughts so you can reflect on them later
Make sure you surround yourself with people who support you
Learn from your mistakes and move on
Think back to your childhood and connect with your inner child again
Be curious and ask questions
Build habits that support your personal growth and goals
Practice positive self-talk
Reward yourself for your wins.
This journey is a journey whose rewards are so fruitful. So do your best to get to know yourself today. Use thes tips and figure out the beautiful person waiting to be heard inside of you.
If this is your first time reading my blog, welcome. Thank you for checking it out. My name is Afolabi Aderonke Mautin Salamat also known as AM SALMA or thatLagoshijabi and I share all I learn on my self-growth journey with you. Each month, I explore a self growth concept. This is post is dedicated to March and discovering who we are.
In the meantime, you can check out my previous blog posts and let me know your thoughts (I appreciate constructive feedback).
October - Self-forgiveness
November - Self-awareness
December - Mental Decluttering
January - New Beginnings
February - Self-Love
Your support is very much appreciated so don't forget to share with your friends. We're on our way to building a community of girlies who love and support each other so be sure to suscribe because you don't want to miss March posts where I explore all about self-discovery!
I'm sending you lots of love and light till we meet next time.
Peace be upon you!
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