Happy International Women's day babe!!!
Truth be told I did not prepare for today. Infact I did not remember it was women's day till this morning after I saw morycoco's 4 generations photoshoot(it was so lovely by the way).
The reason why is not far fetched. I have been going through a lot and a lot has been going through me. I wish I could blame it on PMS (premenstrual syndrome) but sadly that's not the case. Law school stress, anxiety, serious breakout (cause unknown but probably stress induced), malaria and imposter syndrome have been kicking me in the shin. I am less than pleased to inform you that there has been multiple meltdowns and less comebacks.
Point is that I've been down in the drains mentally but that's normal.
Why?
Because it's a part of life's experiences and this is so true for many women. We are often swept up in life's expectations of us. We tend to worry about relationships, education, finances, family, beauty etc and we often feel as though we're falling short of society's expectations of women.
While it's not a bad thing to care about all the things I listed above, sometimes it all becomes a little bit too much because we give so much of ourselves away(especially our mothers). In that process we forget who we are and our worth because we give so little to ourselves in terms of time, money, care and attention. It becomes paramount for us to learn how to bounce back when life hits and makes us lose ourselves.
Whatever you feel you are lacking, give it to yourself first!
In these past few weeks of meltdowns, here's what I've learnt on how to recover from low moments, remind yourself of your worth and regain your mojo!
Life will keep bringing you the same lessons over and over again until you learn it.
1. Pray
As a Muslim, my religion teaches that God has placed us in this world to test us.
And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient,
Who, when disaster strikes them, say, "Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return.
Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided. Al-Baqarah, Ayah 155 - 157
Naturally we expect that life comes with trials and our religion tells us to put our trust in Allah (SWT). This however does not mean that we are not allowed feel the emotions. Yasmin Mogahed explains it beautifully in her Instagram reel. Even the prophets cried when they felt the gravity of their tests. Ultimately as a Muslim, I consider these tests to be blessings because they bring me back to Allah. They keep me grounded and remind me of who is in control. Infact I realize that, moments like this, oftentimes come when I have been neglecting my religious obligations or when I have been doing things that are inconsistent with my identity as a Muslim. Whatever the case may be, my first or eventual course of action is turn to God and pray for guidance so I can figure it out. It has worked for me. You can give it a try to. I usually read the following suwah:
- Ad-Dhuhaa (Q93) and Al-Sharh (Q94).
These have helped me tremendously in reassuring my soul when I feel dejected and worthless. They remind me of God's infinite love and mercy.
Duas for low moments
Rabbi-shrah li sodri, wa yassir li amri, wahlul uqdatan min lisani yafqohu qawli "Lord, lift up my heart and ease my task for me. Remove the impediment from my tongue so that they may understand my speech.(Surah Taha, 20:25-28)
Robbana, āalaika tawakkalna, wa ilaika anabna, wa ilaikal-masir - "Our Lord! In You we have placed our trust, and to You we turn in repentance, and to You is the final return.(Surah Al-Mumtahanah, 60:4)
You can check for other duas here.
2. Embrace each experience
The first thing I was noticed in those moments was that I kept resisting the emotions. I kept trying to avoid them. I kept chasing after distractions that would make me happy briefly. For you, it could be alcohol or retail therapy. For me, it was going down the rabbit hole of YouTube videos and binge watching Netflix. Yet I could not shake off that crippling anxiety that had me frozen in a loop of procrastination and time wasting endeavors. The truth I was dodging was that ups and downs are a natural part of life so denying that fact to yourself is a recipe for disaster. I've learnt that when we accept our feelings as they are and the fact that we do not feel good, it becomes easier to accept that it's just a phase that will pass. So embrace the low moments when they come. Cry if you need to and then remind yourself that how you're feeling is not a true representation of your worth. Feel it and get it over with.
3. Recognize the good in your life.
I always talk about gratitude in my posts but sometimes we get so wrapped up in our feelings that we forget the good currently playing out in our lives. Infact it took a segment on TVC news about human trafficking to put things into perspective for me. I had forgotten that the life I am currently living is a privilege. I am currently living what used to be my dream and prayer point. Even if I'm not at the pinnacle of my success, I know I'm not where I used to be. There will always be reasons to be grateful if you look deeply. When you see the good in your life, you realize that you're loved, cared for and taken care of by God. That should remind you that you're worthy because God has not given up on you.
4. Stick to habits that makes you feel your best
As soon as I started feeling down, I became inconsistent with my daily routine and that was the biggest mistake I made. I became inconsistent with my exercise, morning affirmations, gratitude meditation, water intake and selfcare moments. In hindsight, I now understand how crucial it is to stick to your routine even when you don't feel like it. When you don't, the negative thoughts treat your mind as a breeding ground. These habits have a great purpose and their purpose is to help you cope with life challenges as you grow and develop the right mindset for your growth. Meditation is known to enhance the flow of constructive thoughts and positive emotions so we meditate in order to recenter and calm ourselves. We practice gratitude so we have always remind ourselves of the good in our life. We exercise in order to improve our physical well-being. We practice self-care because when we look good, we feel good. These habits are there to help improve our mental, physical and emotional well-being so do not stop them.
5. Focus on your progress over perfection
Oftentimes we get caught up in the fact that we haven't reached XY goals or we haven't accomplished something we said we would. So we start to feel less as if we have failed. It was difficult convincing myself of this but I was reminded by countless posts on Instagram that I needed to let go of perfection and focus on moving. The reason I was feeling worthless was because I set goals and could not accomplish them due to poor planning. So here's an affirmation, that can help you if you ever find yourself in this position:
I will focus on my progress over perfection.Ā I donāt know what the future holds but I affirm it is far greater than anything I can imagine. I am at peace with my pace. I am on my way. I am becoming better with each new pace.
6. Stop comparing yourself to others
Another factor that contributed to my feelings of worthlessness was comparison. I started comparing myself to my friends. When I saw them read, I wanted to read. When I saw them play I wanted to play. In reality, I had more responsibilities (like my work) than they did but I kept comparing my time to theirs when I knew their sole focus is studying law. I was also dealing with serious fear of missing out. This drained me mentally and had me running on cartwheels. I realized that it was really unfair to myself to demand more than I could do. So lesson learnt is that we should focus on our own journey because it's not the same as others. We must focus on what works for us instead of trying to be everything and everyone.
7. Go for it
These past few weeks I experienced freeze. I didn't even know it was called freeze until I saw a post on Instagram about it. I could not get myself to do anything and it was because I had fallen short of my own expectations. I could not get over the fact that my perfect plan had failed and that kept me from trying again for awhile. I kept feeling a lack of confidence in myself but a few things helped:
A short video on YouTube on how to cure imposter syndrome with Affirmation
Planning my day
Taking one tiny action per day
This helped me tremendously and it can work for you too. Do whatever you need to do. Take it one step at a time and most importantly remind yourself that you've done it before and you can do it again.
8. Talk to someone
I really underestimated this one right here. I had been feeling down for days. Withdrawing and isolating from everyone. Finally, I had a conversation with my friend and I burst into tears. It felt so good to have someone remind me of how much I was capable of. While it's not always a good idea to seek validation from others, I think it's absolutely ok to have someone remind you of who you used to be. I was finding it so hard to believe or convince myself that I was capable until my friend told me same things I failed to believe about myself. Find someone you can trust and who will listen without judgement because the simple truth is we all need a shoulder to cry on sometimes. Don't bottle it all in.
So there you have it ladies! I hope you found this helpful. The truth is that Iām still trying to figure out how to balance it all. Some days I forget my own worth, other days I donāt even know my value but it's on the days like today I remember what I stand for. I celebrate and appreciate that minute of pride swelling in me because I know just how freaking amazing it is to be know who you are and not feel like you have an identity crisis every 2 weeks. Knowing that I stand for every woman and my heart is in the right place is enough to keep me going.
Today I celebrate you and I hope you remember everyday what your worth is. Not just today. Remember only you can define your worth to yourself.
I have a pretty exciting announcement to make as well! I launched my digital art shop todayšš
itās called Recollections Gallery and in honor of women's day, I have a free gift for you!
Use code Womenday23 to get my first printable art design for free!
Download it. Print it. And remind yourself that you deserve good things all day everyday.
If this is your first time reading my blog, welcome. Thank you for checking it out. My name is Afolabi Aderonke Mautin Salamat also known as AM SALMA or thatLagoshijabi and I share all I learn on my self-growth journey with you. Each month, I explore a self growth concept. This March I'll be sharing with you all I learn on self-discovery and I hope you stay tuned for that.
In the meantime, you can check out my previous blog posts and let me know your thoughts (I appreciate constructive feedback).
October - Self-forgiveness
November - Self-awareness
December - Mental Decluttering
January - New Beginnings
February - Self-Love
Your support is very much appreciated so don't forget to share with your friends. We're on our way to building a community of girlies who love and support each other so be sure to suscribe because you don't want to miss March posts where I explore all about self-discovery!
I'm sending you lots of love and light till we meet next time.
Peace be upon you!
Comments