Hey babes!
I hope you had a blast showing yourself and those around you love these past few weeks! If you didn’t, I shared ‘why’ you should so check that out first and then come back so we can discuss the ‘how’.
See ehn in this life we juggle way too much that it becomes normal to neglect one of the most important relationships we can have which is the one we have with ourselves (I'm guilty too).
For you to start loving yourself truly, you have to make yourself a priority. Developing self-love takes time, so it’s something you should practice it daily till it becomes a part of you. You go at it till you look in the mirror and smile because you know deep down that you are in love with who you see.
Honoring yourself is the first step in a lifelong journey to nurturing personal growth and learning to manage adversity. - Forbes Health
When you treat yourself well, you’ll find yourself engaging in activities that make you happier rather than wasting your energy on situations or relationships that do not bring you any fulfillment. This can mean building the confidence to set boundaries in relationships or learning how to say no to things that don’t honor your needs or bring you any joy.
When you start to show yourself love, you start your healing journey and are well on your way to saying goodbye to stress, anxiety and depression. You start to notice yourself have the following in abundance:
Here are 10 ways you can begin to see yourself in the best light. To fall in love with yourself like you’re the only woman in the room.
1. Practice Mindfulness
In the world today, there’s so much going on and off social media, it’s so hard to be mindful. We’re constantly on the move. Especially us Lagosians. We hardly have time to look inwards because we’re mostly engrossed in all that is going on around us. My mindfulness journey started as an undergraduate student. Now in my postgraduate year, all I can do is thank my younger self for making me suscribe to meditation app in 2020. Mindfulness helps you to be aware of your thoughts, your feelings and your needs physically and mentally. It allows you to have inward reflection which makes you get to know yourself a little bit more. As you become more mindful, you approach life with intentionality and you become more aware of what you need to do to make yourself happy. There are so many meditation apps you can try out. I use Balance and you can try it out by taking advantage of their 1 year free membership to new members. What do you have to lose?
2. Practice Self care
We all know that girl who ‘spends 10 seconds in the bathroom, rubs ori (Shea butter) on ashy feet and wear the first most comfy thing she can find and moves without sparing the mirror a second glance’. That was me and if this is you, you need to listen up! What I’ve learnt is that when we look good, we feel good about ourselves and we develop more confidence in who we are. Before now, I never considered taking time to develop a proper self care routine that would feed my skin and body and most importantly heighten my well-being and make me feel better about myself.
We oftentimes don't realize how much our habits affects our lives in fundamental ways. I realized that continuing with my nonexistent self care habits were subtracting from my well being. I kept wishing to be like others, to look like the Instagram girlies, to have that clean girl aesthetic. Wishing! That was all I was busy wasting my time doing. Eventually, I stopped wishing and started acting. I picked myself up, did the inner work and now I'm building habits that reflect the lifestyle I want.
The ways I practice self care now is by sleeping properly, eating food in moderation, drinking lots of water, eating lots of fruits, having a skincare routine, putting more effort in how I look in the morning. The more I practice these habits, the more I like the person I'm becoming . I am becoming happier, healthier and more fulfilled. I know I'm loved and pampered by myself and it's a nice feeling. However, it’s very intentional. Breaking old habits and adopting new habits can be weird at first but the more consistent you are at them, the more you push to be your best.
3. Create Healthy habits
Lao tzu said watch your habits, they become your character and your character becomes your destiny. The reason why you aren’t in love with yourself is because your habits do not mirror the life you want for yourself. All that self loathing comes from a place of unfulfilment and what you must do is envision what your life would be like if you were your dream woman and show up as her. You need to write out the habits your dream woman has and add them to your routine. Before I started doing this, I used to spend weeks on end in sadness just wanting my life to be better. It wasn't until I heard that Instagram audio about showing up as the person you want to become, did I start considering changing my habits.
A book that also helped me tremendously during this time is Atomic habits by James Clear. (P.s I've been sharing summaries of the book on my Instagram and tiktok, so follow me @a.m_salma on IG and am.salma on tiktok if you don't like to read) Ever since I started these new habits, I now see myself in a different and better light. I am starting to accept, love myself more and show up as authentically as I possibly can.
4. Practice Self forgiveness
Too times we become our own worst critics using the worst words to describe ourselves. Show yourself compassion. Stop holding grudges against yourself for whatever reason. Maybe you keep disappointing yourself or you fall short of your own expectations for yourself. Whatever the reason may be, I've shared what you need to do on your journey to forgiving yourself.
When you practice self-forgiveness, you're able to accept yourself and this only promotes feelings of self-compassion and love.
5 . Keep a Gratitude Journal
A big part of self-love is staying present. As humans, you can probably relate to always thinking about what next. It’s so easy to get swept up in planning for the future or getting stuck on the past wondering why you didn’t make better choices in your life. You need to stop dwelling on things out of your control. It only raises feeling of hopelessness, stress and anxiety in your life.
What you can do is to start a gratitude journal to keep you grounded by reminding yourself of what you have to be thankful for right now. The truth is that when you count your blessings, you feel good about yourself and your status in life. You can find reasons why you're better off and remind yourself of the fact that what used to be your prayer point is your current life. So keep a gratitude journal to be grateful for your blessings and to remind you that God has heard your prayers and it's about to manifest. You need to do this everyday to improve your mood and mental well-being. As you do this, you ultimately find yourself counting your blessings and loving yourself and the stage you are in life.
6 . Give Yourself a Compliment
So according to scientists, when you compliment yourself regularly, you’re shifting the relationship you have with yourself and your mindset. So you’re basically training yourself to focus on the positive. I’ve tried it and honestly the way I blush when I tell myself just how good I look... Lord!
Honestly speaking, It’s takes some getting used to. So if you feel uncomfortable talking to yourself, try setting a time in the day to compliment yourself. It could be in the morning while you're getting dressed or at night as you get ready for bed. I, for instance do it as part of my morning routine after I recite my affirmations for the day. I look in the mirror and compliment myself.
Another thing you can do is write it down in a journal or put a Post-It note on the bathroom mirror before going to bed. You can even set a reminder on your phone that you are doing great.
I shared 40 self-love affirmations to recite every morning to reaffirm the love for yourself in your mind. Be sure to check it out.
7. Speak to Yourself as You Would With a Friend
Before I learnt how to speak to myself positively, I had no idea I had been berating myself. And I can tell you for free that it sucks big time. The feeling of being your own worst critic is not something that makes you like yourself very much. This is why we must stop negative self talk in its track. We all do it. We call ourselves ugly, deflect a compliment because we don’t believe we deserve it. This just lead to feelings of worthlessness and helplessness. You lose your self esteem and become afraid to take risks because you do not believe in yourself.
The truth is that nobody is perfect. Encourage yourself and give yourself that pep talk you give to your bestie when she's down. Try to watch your thoughts. Stay present, mindful and intentional so that as soon as the negative self talk comes in your head, You shut it out and replace it with positive self talk. For instance I replace 'I’m so dumb' thoughts with 'I’m doing my best and anything I don’t know I’ll figure it out.' Using this technique often helps you regulate and eventually you form a great relationship with yourself.
8 . Celebrate Your Small Wins
Babe, trust me when I tell you to celebrate everything. You know why we Lagosians like we throw parties like we have no worries? It’s because we believe in celebrating our achievements, no matter how small. And it works. Now you don’t have to throw a party every time you complete your goal for the day.. what I do is bust down some moves or better still treat myself to some sweet treats. You don’t need to beat yourself up for not meeting up to yours or societal expectations, practice self love by showing yourself compassion and celebrating your progress over perfection.
So babe know that you own your life so set the pace that's healthy for you. Try to set realistic expectations aligned with your needs, wants and values. This way you’re more likely to complete your tasks, feel more accomplished and motivated to start the next thing. Doing this makes you proud of yourself thus contributing to feelings of self-love.
Like scientists say, minor accomplishments add up and create momentum for reaching the end goal.
Focus on yourself and live intentionally and authentically.
9. Use Social Media positively
Have you ever scrolled through reels on IG and think to yourself damn what am I doing with my life?
Babe, haven’t we all? We keep thinking why are we the same age and this girl has got it all figured out and I haven’t. This kind of thought is a recipe for self loathing. You start to judge and criticize yourself for not living up to others standards. Babe don’t do that to yourself. If you find yourself feeling that way anytime you get on social media, know that it’s time to do a social cleanse. Unfollow accounts that drain rather than motivate you and focus on accounts that uplift and motivate you to get closer to your goals. My feed on IG.. chefs kiss!!! No bad vibes, no gossip blogs, no influencer whose life I don’t want influencing mine. Just inspirational quotes, modest Hijabi styles, Hijabi influencers who I actually love and aesthetic vlogs! And I love it. Infact social media can be a safe space for you if used right. If not, unfollow accounts that drain you and cut out the time you spend on there.
10. Find Support If You Need It
Babe self-love is a life long practice. It takes practice and everyday will not be the same.
“Self-love is not trying to make every day all rainbows and sunshine, but learning to create better experiences,” says Dr. Jarquin.
You don’t need to do all these at once. Just focus on one act of self-love at a time till you get used to it. You might also need to check your circle and see those who can support you on this journey. Anyone who's contributing to your self loathing should be given ample distance. Try to find a community that feeds your soul (psst I'm already working on that so tell your friends to pull up and follow, like and suscribe so we can be one big family).
Just remember that, I’m always here for you on your self growth journey so do not hesitate to talk to me about your progress! I’m always ready to share all I learn to help make your self-growth journey easier!
I’m rooting for you babe!
Don't forget to check out my self-love affirmations so you can be on your way to changing your beliefs about yourself for the better.
If this is your first time reading my blog page, welcome. Thank you for checking it out. My name is Afolabi Aderonke Salamat also known as AM SALMA or thatLagoshijabi and I share all I learn on my self-growth journey with you. Each month I explore a self growth concept. This February I share all I've learnt on the concept of self-love and I hope you find them interesting to read. Check them out and let me know your thoughts.
Your support is very much appreciated so don't forget to share with your friends. We're on our way to building a community of girlies who love and support each other so be sure to suscribe.
Feel free to check out my previous blog posts on:
October - Self-forgiveness
November - Self-awareness
December - Mental Decluttering
January - New Beginnings
February - Self-Love
Suscribe because you don't want to miss March posts where I explore all about self-discovery!
I'm sending you lots of love and light till we meet next time.
Peace be upon you!
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